The world of radio is a funny thing. Essentially, we are customer service reps for the bands we play on top of being ambassadors to our listeners. And most of the folks I know that work in radio, myself included (as well as many that work for competing radio stations) actually do love 99 percent of their jobs. The remaining 1 percent are the phone calls we ALL take from time to time that make us scratch our heads and wonder if we are the most intelligent people on Earth. No joke. Without further ado, the 10 dumbest calls I’ve ever taken as a radio DJ:

10. Can you play “X” band? “X,” in this case, representing a band that my station never has, nor ever would consider playing. In the case of LAZER, “X” can represent anyone from Britney Spears to 50 Cent and even Jim Nabors!

9. Is there anything you play that you hate playing? Dumb only because I wouldn’t be working here if I hated anything we played. Listen, there are bands and songs that aren’t necessarily my favorite, but my personal taste doesn’t matter as much as the listeners’ in the world of radio. What might be my least favorite song could be hundreds of listeners’ favorite song!

8. Can you play “Y” song? “Y,” in this case, representing the song I am playing as I’m taking this phone call. Brilliant.

7. Is this “Z” radio station? “Z,” in this case, representing the slogan or name of the radio station I work for, and 100 percent of the time the first word out of my mouth upon answering the phone.

6. Am I caller “A?” “A,” in this case, representing the numbered caller our contest winners are. It’s not a dumb question unless we’re not contesting at all. And I have taken plenty of those.

5. ‘Bout time you picked up! Listen, I’m at work. I’m working. Trying to get work done. And, once in awhile, have time to answer phones. And, sometimes, I’m answering other lines while you wait for me to pick up and take your request or answer your question. But once I DO answer, don’t bitch at me because I didn’t pick up on the 1st ring. That’s dumb.

4. Can you give me the number for “B” radio station? “B,” in this case, representing the call letters or station name of a competitor. Yeah, sure, go ahead and listen to someone else…dumb.

3. Thanks for playing my song, dickmouth! Yes, that’s a true story. Guy called and asked for STP, about 10 minutes after I just played a song by them. Told him it’d be a little while, but I might get around to some more later. He called me back about an hour later, and chewed me out, capping it off with his choice of insult, which I found very odd and actually somewhat humorous.

2. Click. Maybe I’m in the middle of something. Maybe I’m actually talking on the air, and I notice the phone light is blinking. About 3 or 4 blinks in, I answer, and “click,” they hang up. Maybe it’s just me, but folks should have enough patience to allow me more than 10 seconds to answer the phone sometimes.

1. Quit playing “C” band! My favorite of the dumb calls. “C,” in this case, representing a band that most likely is one of the cornerstones of the rock music genre. A band/artist that, without their contributions to the world, music would probably be a lot more bland and boring than this particular caller already believes it is. Good examples here in LAZER’s case are Ozzy, AC/DC, Metallica, and Nirvana. These are bands that deserve their spot on our playlist and until we flip to smooth jazz, you can expect to hear them. Nice thing about radio is it’s free and you don’t have to listen if you don’t like something! But, of course, aside from these 10 examples of dumb calls, I don’t condone tuning me out.

I enjoy writing. It’s something I’ve always liked doing, no matter what the occasion. And, with the blog, I’m afforded the luxury of getting on anytime I want and writing about whatever I want.

But there’s a distinct difference between a blog and being published in a magazine: audience reach.

Late last year, I was approached about writing a bi-monthly column for a womens magazine called “!ntuition,” which would be put out all over the Des Moines metro beginning in January. My initial reaction was “womens magazine?” I was quickly assured they considered me the perfect candidate, due to my quick-wit and charm, as well as the fact that, if I should choose to accept the challenge, I’d be offering a man’s perspective to potentially thousands of women.

Now, I’m a married man. And I’m happily married. So what might’ve been my reaction to that kind of potential years ago crossed my mind about as quickly as light travels. And my abrupt follow-up reaction got me thinking…this blog, which is and has been my semi-regular opportunity to reach out to listeners, friends and family for the better part of 6-7 years, only really reaches a small percentage of the population. If I really wanted to get any kind of message across to an audience I perhaps hadn’t yet connected with, this would be it. Not to mention the fact that I was given explicit instructions for this column. Definite boundaries.

I was told to “feel free to write about whatever comes to mind.”

Giving me that kind of carte blanche isn’t an everyday opportunity when we’re talking about an actual publication with sponsors and everything!

Of course I jumped at the chance. I took the gig. My column, appropriately titled “Man Cave,” was officially released on Monday of this week, on Page 25 of !ntuition Magazine, which can be found at over 300 metro locations, including most Kum and Gos, coffee shops, doctor’s offices and a variety of salons and sandwich shops.

Wherever there are women, this magazine shall be.

Feel free to pick yourself up a free copy if you come across it. I’m extremely proud to be a part of this magazine…there are some very talented people involved.

So what’s my first column about? Find out for yourself and check out !ntuition Magazine today! I’m already putting together my next column, which will be released in the month of March.

CLICK THIS

25. The Veer Union “Against The Grain”
24. Green Day “21st Century Breakdown”
23. Three Days Grace “Life Starts Now”
22. Breaking Benjamin “Dear Agony”
21. Weezer “Raditude”
20. Wolfmother “Cosmic Egg”
19. Powerman 5000 “Somewhere On The Other Side Of Nowhere”
18. Megadeth “Endgame”
17. Mudvayne “Mudvayne”
16. Duff McKagan’s Loaded “Sick”
15. Dethklok “Dethalbum II”
14. Sick Puppies “Tri-Polar”
13. Shadows Fall “Retribution”
12. Wilco “Wilco (The Album)”
11. Silversun Pickups “Swoon”
10. Jet “Shaka Rock”
9. Heaven And Hell “The Devil You Know”
8. Killswitch Engage “Killswitch Engage”
7. Pearl Jam “Backspacer”
6. Muse “The Resistance”
5. Chickenfoot “Chickenfoot”
4. Them Crooked Vultures “Them Crooked Vultures”
3. Lamb of God “Wrath”
2. Alice In Chains “Black Gives Way To Blue”
1. Mastodon “Crack The Skye”